You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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