Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize