she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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