Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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