I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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