i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
