EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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