I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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