We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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