I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
