The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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