This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
