why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
