Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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