i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize