may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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