Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
