their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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