I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
