i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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