We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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