Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Randomize
