i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize