so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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