I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize