So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
