My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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