so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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