Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
