walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
