last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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