What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
