Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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