do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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