Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
