Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize