I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
