well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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