And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize