i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
