if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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