I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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