what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
