Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize