What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
