It's Friday. Sex?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
