yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
