i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
