I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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