Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
