I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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