put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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