I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
