i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
