I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I cannot find my penis.
worst night to have a conscience
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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