just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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