paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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