i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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