Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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