4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
