i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize