You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
