I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have fence marks all over my body
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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