i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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