I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
