btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
