I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
