Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
