Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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