Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize