im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize