Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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