is your mom at the bar?
Buhtt sex?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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