dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just cropdusted the office
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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