Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
