He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
