I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
