if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I cannot find my penis.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
