I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
